The Modern life fast pace and stressful daily routine, sometimes leads to anxiety.

When faced with a divorce, it is no more a matter of a “routine” daily stress, but of a complex challenge relating to all aspects of life, and the ones dearest to our hearts.

There are those who postpone their divorce for many years despite unhappy and difficult relationships, all in order not to face the difficult process of divorce.

Which are the main concerns before divorce and how can one handle it for the best?

1. The kids

• Postponing the end

Many divorcees postpone the end so as not to hurt their children.

There is no doubt that divorce is a crisis for the children as well, but in reality remember that the result of living in a home with parents whose relationship is difficult (whether loud and violent or full of silence and repressed anger) has long-term negative consequences for the children..

• The fear that of not seeing the children every day

We all love our children, but when we live in a home with two parents, the burden of taking care of the children is divided in one way or another between the parents.

 

In a divorce, the tension is so high that there are those who cling to the children and find it difficult to let go and the explanations are many – longing, the other party does not know how to take care of the children, the conditions in the other party’s house are less good and more.

In some cases some of the claims are true. At the same time, it should be remembered that according to studies it is very important for the kids to remain n good contact with both their mother anf father. The child can sense a negative communication of one side towards  the other, even if without words. Children are endowed with sharp senses and may sense the transmission and the deterioration will be severe. Even if the other party was not a parent of the year until the divorce, according to my experience, at the time of divorce in most cases there is mobilization from the other party who was not the main parent in the marriage and neither party wants to give up their child and rightly so.

 

In my opinion, the right way is to conduct yourself in a calm manner, without unnecessarily climbing over barricades, remembering that even in the central house there is a parent who needs mental strength to raise and to cope, to know how to enjoy the children but also to learn to enjoy the freedom and peace when they spend time with the other party.

• The concern of a new relationship to the other party- new “mom” and “dad” to my kids– Many fear that the other party will find a relationship and their children will be exposed to the new partners. Indeed, it is not easy for children to digest, but if you look at it from a perspective, if the ex-spouse is happy, your children will benefit directly from this. It is quite possible that they will also gain attention and love from the new couple, which will make the separation easier for them, and above all – do not lose confidence in your parenting.

Children love their parents and do not leave or move away because the other parent has a relationship.

 

2. The financial concern

• The fear of hiring an attorney – Some divorcees fear that the costs of hiring a professional attorney will be too high and leave them without financial ability.

I personally believe that the person concerned is too immersed in the crisis and needs a broader perspective. There is nothing like a person who will back you up in a crisis, contain you and lead you on the right path. In fact, there is no substitute for an experienced and skilled professional who knows the way. Most people are not rich enough to buy cheap and inaccurate services.

• The fear that I will pay alimony and remain broke

 

The children are yours and that is a fact. W hen you lived together with your ex you also paid for them and maybe even more.

That’s why I suggest adopting a generous approach and save a lot of clashes.

• The basic economic concern

The concern of the day after paralyzes many divorcees who are in a kind of prison due to their fear.

True, the property accumulated in marriage is divided in two, but can anyone put a price tag on freedom? And of the energy that will be freed up and can be channelled, after the divorce, for your benefit?

Many times within the marriage there is reliance on the other party and the domestic partner does not develop a career. After the divorce, reality forces many people to come out of their skin and the feeling of discovering myself and my abilities is empowering and uplifting.

 

3. The fear that the spouse will request a restraining order against us in a manipulative manner

Indeed, unfortunately, there are those who try to issue restraining orders in vain and this is behavior should be strongly condemned.

I recommended to avoid unnecessary conversations with the other party that will lead to friction or that will make you play into the hands of the other side.

In addition, a conversation in which you are part of the participants is allowed to be recorded, so it is important that you record conversations so that you have evidence.

 

4. The fear of appearing in court and facing the other side there

There is no doubt that most of those facing divorce proceedings will appear for the first time in court and it is a stressful situation.

It is important that the attorney handling the divorce prepares you for the hearing and explains what is going to happen, how the hearing is conducted, how to behave with the judge so to help you relieve the stress. In the end you will find out that the judge is also a human being and hopefully eventually you will be also satisfied from the results.

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